Monday morning, meeting a lady from a networking event I attended a few weeks ago. We’re sat in a cosy coffee shop and I’m drinking tea from a huge pot of loose leaf tea, eating lemon, chia seed and pistachio cake; so far, a pretty regular one to one follow up meeting.
However, the topic we are discussing is not your usual Monday morning conversation – but perhaps it should be. Nicola Towse is training to become an end-of-life doula and I was fascinated to find out more.
Death and dying may sound morbid or be uncomfortable to talk about for some people but, like it or not, it comes to us all at some point. It’s just part of the natural cycle of life.
Contrary to it being morbid, I actually think being able to broach this subject allows us to get more out of life. It helps us to recognise that we are not immortal and we will all pass one day, so it’s important to make the most of life. We never know how long we have on this earth and life can change suddenly or unexpectedly at any given time.
Earlier this year I read The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware and took a similar message from her book – life is precious. We shouldn’t wait for the ‘perfect’ moment to do things. We shouldn’t worry about what other people think about us; at the end of the day it’s us who has to face the consequences of our actions or inaction, not them.
It’s people and experiences that mean the most and give life it’s meaning. Thinking about death and dying gives us an opportunity to consider what’s most important to us and how we want to live and die. This sort of information can help our family make difficult decisions too, if or when they are needed.
It might encourage us to have uncomfortable conversations with our nearest and dearest which can help to strengthen and deepen our relationships and build a greater sense of connection. An end-of-life doula can help with some of these things and provide a reassuring listening ear or practical support when it’s most needed.
It was interesting chatting with Nicola about our own experiences of death and dying and the time flew by. As we said goodbye and walked back into the busy street, I didn’t feel sad at all. In fact I was more aware of the warmth of the sunshine, the heavy black cloud lurking in the distance ready to burst, the birds singing – I appreciated the beauty of life and nature and felt a lovely sense of connection to the world.
What are your thoughts and feelings around death and dying?